«Where do you see yourself in 5 years....?»

Who would have thought that a simple question from my favorite tv show wouldn't let me sleep at night and make me actually wonder: Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Back when I was about eight years old I decided to write two letters to my future self. A really big one to open after 10 years and a smaller one for my future 25 year old self. I opened the first letter some years ago on my 18th B-day. I remember how I laughed about the things written inside and feeling completely embarassed..so at that time I decided to put it aside. I then forgot completely about it.

A few days ago I was watching an episode of How I met your Mother.. a random TV show that I really enjoy watching. In the middle of the episode the main character Ted asks his girlfriend Robin : «Where do you see yourself in 5 years?» She asked him the exaxt same question. They started discussing their completely different plans for their future, realizing that they don't match at all.

The same night I began to think about this question over and over again... wondering where I see myself in five, eight or even ten years. My mind was filled with plenty of different emotions and thoughts which made me even more confused. I was happy, but at the same time I was sad.. and at the exact same time I was afraid because I didn' t want to have an answer to that.

I remembered the letter I wrote about more than 12 years ago and began looking for it so I could read it again, hoping it would make me laugh a little bit. I began to look for this special letter literally everywhere. In every folder you can imagine, every drawer, even desperately underneath my bed and in the closet... until I found it in the attic- hidden in the middle of my old Diary. I couldn't wait to lay in bed and read some hilarious sentences haha. The letter was filled with horrible shaped pink hearts, biiiiig smiley faces and different Dog stickers ( still love them ). I started to read my letter at like 2 o'clock in the morning, not knowing the impact it would have on me after.

I have to say my imagination was crazy at that age. I mean who wouln't love to have flying dogs and plants that can actually speak in your own household, right? My dreams at that time were all about singing, I guess that the old Hannah Montana episodes I used to binge watch as a kid had a big influence on that ;)

Even if the letter spoke about me being a popstar in the USA at the age of eighteen while running a cupcake shop and a clothing store in the middle of New York City (Lol what an imagination) it was a true gift for me. I know it sounds really odd and I know that most of you maybe won't understand this.. but I feel like getting THIS funny letter from my younger self actually helped me with my insecurities. I am thanking my younger self for always believing in me, for never doubting my knowledge, power or ability to become anything I want. For dreaming big without being afraid what the others might think and having the aim to achieve your goals no matter what, but also to see that having a creative imagination isn't a bad thing.

If you would ask me right now where I would see myself in 5 years my answer would probably be : I don't have the slightest clue and that's okay.

I just want to live and cherish this day, the day after tomorrow and every other day too. I don't know what the future will bring but I'm sure that everything will be okay the way it is, that there will always be a way for me and that I don't have to worry or give up thinking and dreaming big ( ok maybe I should stop thinking about flying dogs and speaking plants tho.. ;) )

One thing is sure: I want to explore new places, travel the world, meet new people, fall deeply in love over and over again, mess things up and learn from it, study a new language, gain different work experience, adopt a pet, decorate a flat or room, talk to strangers, sing under the shower, work with elephants, write a cook book, run a marathon, create new recipes, do volunteer work, have late night talks, go snorkeling, being on top of the Golden Gate Bridge, do a road trip while listening to Lily Allen songs over and over again, see the Northern lights, learn sign language, try Baklava for the first time( hehe) and most importantly - make new memories and loving life to the fullest.

Maybe I will do all of the things above, maybe just half of it. Maybe not even a third. I don't know and to be honest I don't want to know. It's in my hands and as long as I try to live every day loving myself and what life brings me, to love everyone around me and to never stop dreaming big, I'll be okay - and so will you.

Love,

Naike